Transgendered Parents and Parents-to-be's Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Transgendered Parents and Parents-to-be's LiveJournal:
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|Sunday, January 18th, 2015|
Hello to everyone that is still active in this group. I was an active LiveJournal user many years ago when I began my transition. I had a web-site all about my journey and the reasons why. I joined the community as a transparent and I felt very alone. I wrote a book that some might have heard of called "My Mommy is a Boy".
I am here because some exciting and scary and unexpected things are popping up in my life and I am desperate for some fellow support in whatever it is I am going through. Oregon Health plan just began offering full services to Transgender patients. We will now receive HRT, SRS and therapy. This was a very exciting revelation- so much so that I immediately made an appointment to go in and see someone about getting my Hysto (since the only surgery that I was lucky to have was my mastectomy, years ago, having paid for it out of pocket). Anyhow, I went in to see someone Friday (1/16/15) and during the appointment they felt the need to council me on my choice and make sure it is in fact what I want and am ready for. They made sure I knew they needed my letters (because OHP is taking the standards of care very seriously), and asked me if I was truly ready to give up on having anymore children. This stirred up a world of emotions within me. Here is why:
When my daughter was around 1 year old, in 2003, My ex husband and I tried to conceive again. By the end of the 1.5 years of trying on Clomid, I decided to give up and move forward with my transition. At the time, I felt like I was not meant to have more children. The Dr. I was seeing was not supportive by any means (and not because I was going to transition, because he was not made aware of this until I stopped trying). Ever since, I have felt empty and always talk about wanting to adopt, yet I have not made that step for myself. I stopped taking my T injections not long after my chest surgery in 2007? because of mental blockages from the horrific experience I had. Pain scared me and I couldn't do my injections. About 2.5 years ago, since I was off of T for so long, I asked a friend to be my donor and I was put back on Clomid and actually attempted to conceive once again. After one try though, I started to freak out about my gender identity and said "this isn't for me". I decided to ask for T cream and have been on it since. I have been doing great- although the effects of T cream are far from what you would get from the injections; my moods were regulated and I was happier having something rather that nothing. My visit the other day changed something again though. I left feeling very pleased about the conversation with the Dr. She had said it was a human desire to have biological children and that it was not a Female/Motherly desire in my case. I felt like she said it was OK to have a pregnancy, even though I am 7 years into my transition and everyone knows me as a male now. I live in a bigger city, I have a new job, I have a whole new group of friends (who are supportive of my status) and I was happily per suing moving forward with my transition and SRS.
What is going on with me? I have not stopped thinking about getting pregnant, the pros vs. the cons, how it would effect my social status and my daughter, how my family and friends will or will not support me and worst of all, how I will be perceived at work- where not one person knows about my status and this entire things is terrifying to consider. I have a few friends who I have confided in- they are varying shades in the wide world of gender and they are very supportive of the idea, in fact they are encouraging me to do it because they believe I will regret not doing it later on in life. My sister is on this page as well. She is currently pregnant with her 3rd baby and in the last few days, thinking about that has really hurt my heart.
If anyone has any advice, input, resources or just something helpful to suggest, I will forever be grateful. I honestly feel like I did when I just found out what being "Transgender" was and its a very lost and lonely place to be.
Thanks for listening.
|Tuesday, April 29th, 2014|
My name is Emm, I am a Researcher at the Television production company Cineflix. I am currently working on a very warm and positive international documentary series about pregnancy. The series is very much about the journey parents take through their pregnancies – although the birth and the baby that comes home after are definitely a part of that story, the mother's experience is at the heart of what we're looking at. We want the documentary to challenge misconceptions, celebrate triumphs and capabilities as well as follow the day to day realities of each parent. I would love to talk to Trans-Men who are currently pregnant. Please do get in touch if this sounds like a project you would like to get involved in or know somebody who would. Thank you in advance, I look forward to hearing from you.
The Pregnancy Project
T: +44(0)20 3179 0099 (ext. 2102)
|Sunday, April 20th, 2014|
calling anyone still here....
Hey all. Not sure if this site is still active, but figured I'd try!
My grad students and I are starting a major research project aimed at improving knowledge and awareness regarding stressful experiences faced by folks who identify as trans. It's an anonymous online survey with a 1/25 chance to win a $25 gift card.
Our team includes both trans- and cis-identified folks and we garnered extensive feedback from the trans community on our materials prior to beginning recruitment. We are having a *very* hard time reaching potential participants (probably due to psychology's messy history with gender... don't get me started).
I'm not sure what the protocol for sharing research links is (e.g., on listserves, twitter or facebook, tumblr, wordpress) -- but if it's possible, would you be willing to repost the following for us to your contacts? We'd really appreciate it and need help getting the word out!
Thanks so much for your time :)
HERE'S OUR AD:
* * *
Are you a person of trans experience? Let your voice be heard (and enter to win one of several $25 amazon gift cards)!!
We are a group of researchers from the Marginalization, Mental Health, and Empowerment Team and Columbia University. Our team is made up of LGBTQ folks and allies.
We're interested in learning more about your experiences of marginalization and empowerment as a trans individual.
Click this link or copy/paste into your browser to participate: http://snurl.com/cutrans
|Sunday, September 22nd, 2013|
Getting Pregnant While a Spouse is Transitioning
Hello! I'm really happy to have found this community as my wife and I are considering the possibility of getting pregnant for a third and final time as she begins hrt in November. I was wondering if anyone else here had any experiences being pregnant while their spouse transitioned. Also, how long is the window of opportunity open, on average, once she starts on hormones? Are there any risks involved in getting pregnant while a partner is on hormones? Thanks so much for any advice!
|Sunday, April 21st, 2013|
new online resource coming soon
There is a new resource for trans parents coming soon. The website is currently in the design phase.
Here is our "about us"
The Trans Parenting Forum is an online space for parents, families, foster parents and carers of gender variant, trans and intersex children to meet, ask questions, and share experiences and advice. It is also place where trans people who have or are hoping to have their own families can access resources, make connections and build communities.
The Trans Parenting Forum is an extension of the Barbara Ross Association, a non-profit organisation made up of parents, counsellors, social workers and trans people who recognise that trans parents and the families and carers of gender variant young people are often overlooked by existing support services.
We have a range of resources and information concerning various parenting issues, including advice about what to do when your child comes out, health care/medical transition, name changes, adoption/fostering and information for gender variant children in the school system.
We want to encourage trans parents and the families and carers of gender non-conforming young people to reach out to one another, trade their own resources, share their stories and realise they are not alone.
As i said, the site is currently under construction but until then, please like us on facebook at www.facebook.com/transparentingforum
|Sunday, February 5th, 2012|
Home-birth? Can we?
I just thought of another question I had. Has anyone ever had, know of someone who has, or wants to have a home-birth? Is this even possible being trans, since you might be considered high risk?
If I ever do get pregnant and have a child I would love for it to be at home. I feel the whole hospital thing would be far from enjoyable and cause more stress than is necessary (but obviously good if things go bad.) Anyways, I just was hoping to get your opinions on this idea and to find out if it has ever been done or is doable. Thanks.
|Thursday, February 2nd, 2012|
Want to be a dad
hello. I haven't done this before so I hope I'm doing it right. I'm 20 and a trans man. I want to have my own child since my partner is a cis-gendered man. I have been on T for 10 months now and I'm worried that this might affect my ability to have a child. I have talked to Thomas Beatie about his pregnancies and he was on T for over 5 years but I know everyone is different. I do plan on getting top surgery this May so I won't be breast feeding, which I know is best, but just not for me. I was wondering what some of you guys or gals thought about when I should think about stoping T if I want to maintain my fertility. I know sooner is better but I really don't want to stop yet. If you have any advice about conceiving and/or pregnancy, please share it with me, I can use all the info I can get. Current Mood: nervous
|Wednesday, October 5th, 2011|
Can anyone recommend a midwife in the Dallas area?
|Tuesday, April 26th, 2011|
I'm a 30 yr transguy looking for some good info and support. I was on T for 2 1/2 years and have been off of it for 6 months now. I'm just trying to learn as much as I can before trying to conceive using a sperm bank. I've had an endometrial ablation in the past but am supposedly regular now..bleeding for 3 days a month. I had an ultrasound that said my endometrial thickness was at 5 mm on day 24. Everything that I read on the internet about "ideal" endometrial lining says it should be over 6mm for a successful pregnancy.. I have only had 4 cycles since stopping T though.......I don't know if that means anything....Does anyone have any useful info or have similar experiences? Things seem pretty discouraging at the moment.......
I'm also looking for people to share the learning experience with..navigating healthcare..sharing experiences...dealing with cryobanks...baby stories..etc..I'm feeling totally alone in my journey..
|Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010|
Free Amazon Prime for parents
Just thought i'd give fellow parents a heads up on this. Amazon is giving a free 3 month trial to all parents right now: Amazon Mom- free Amazon Prime trial
It's called Amazon Mom but it's aimed at anyone who takes care of a child. For those unfamiliar with Amazon Prime, it is a service that usually costs $79 a year that gives you free 2 day shipping and $3.99 overnight shipping.
|Sunday, July 25th, 2010|
I need anyones help, references, and knowledge thanks in advance. ♥
hi my name is Toby, i'm 28yrs old im gender neutral but im more here to ask for advice for a close friend of mine. His name is kristoff and he's an ftm transgendered man. I love him to death and he is in a situation which I am trying everywhere to find information for him. that didnt come out right at all. He has guardian ship of his son *whom the mother basically gave all her rights up to him two or three months ago i think*. anyways now all of a sudden she wants the child back but he wants her to have nothin to do with him what so ever. Even the son doesnt want his mother back "she's scary" soooo he's trying everywhere to find a good lawyer that could help him and since he is trans he feels that a lawyer within the community or an allie would be best. but so far he has been stiffed twice. He lives in manchester new hampshire and is in need of more help...so if anyone could help me help him that would be fabulous. I'm doin this on my own accord I gave him my word I would do whatever I could to help him. I live in delaware I'm six hours from him but I will drive those six hours any day to be up there for him. His trial is in aug so any help or references..knowledge etc would be awesome and I thank you in advance. you can message me here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I hope that this post is okay for this community it was referred to me via another community cuz my post was off topic. thank you and have a great day.
|Monday, May 10th, 2010|
|Tuesday, April 6th, 2010|
|Monday, February 22nd, 2010|
i had her!
hey i posted a while back and just had my baby on valentines day last week.
so now i want to know if anyone can tell me anything about transitioning after pregnancy? like top surgery after breastfeeding and stuff like that. or if anyone knows any FTMs that transitioned after pregnancy/breastfeeding. thanks in advance.
|Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010|
Hello-- I dont think I have posted here at all--but anyway, my name is Jamie--as you can see--and I am ftm. I don't typically state that "I'm ftm" or "Im trans" but considering the context of the situation--here it goes.
I am engaged to a woman who has a 6 year old son. We've been together for a few years, and living together for over a year. Her having a son has been fine obviously--and I love him very much--but lately he's been acting out, I guess you could say. He recently urinated in a wastebasket at school (in the bathroom) and he's been not paying attention in school and what not.
His "real" father isnt in the picture, so I am his father figure and his prominent male role model.
I always said when I have kids that I will do my best to not make a big deal about gender, to imply that there is more than just a gender binary, and try to imply to the best of my ability that it makes no difference what you are, but i feel like in my attempt to model these things, I'm letting him down.
It's just hard because I know there is a difference between men and women and boys need to be boys and girls need to be girls--and they need to be validated--yet i dont want to act like that because i want people --i want him--to realize that thats not all there is in this world. That that's not all that's important...
I feel like his gender needs to be validated and it needs to be validated by me especially--because I am his dad.
I just feel like it's hard for me to do that because of who i am. I'm torn between being jealous of him being a boy, not wanting to put a huge emphasis on gender--- and being a guys guy, and having that masculine relationship with my son......
|Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010|
Two Trannies walk into the Birthing Centre in Burlington
My husband and I welcomed our son Stanley into our family on January 21st. While we had planned a home-birth, in part so that we could control who attended the birth, we we ended up in hospital after a difficult labour. I wanted to share our experience of preparing our care providers and a warm and supportive stay in hospital.
Our local hospital canceled tours of the birthing centre the week we were to go due to concerns about H1N1. I ended up however having my own tour due to some early third trimester cramping. The cramps had lasted hours and my midwife said they could be nothing, they could be preterm labour, or they could be a UTI. In any case, she had me come in to the birthing centre for monitoring. It was during that visit that we first talked about "what if we have to transfer to the hospital during birth?". At that point, it seemed like an outside possibility (my
determination and pain tolerance are high), but it still felt like a prudent conversation to have.
For many people, this would be a conversation about how to prepare the person in labour, and how to physically go about the transfer to hospital. For me, this conversation was about how to prepare the hospital. Apparently, transmen having babies is not the norm around here, and a pair of transmen, one pregnant, one not, are, shall we say, unusual at our local hospital.
My partner and I are both professional trainers, who specifically do work in health care, so we felt well up to the task. We had also had training conversations with a number of service providers already in this process.
We had started at the fertility clinic - scheduling an initial appointment where we came in, talked about who we are, the Ontario Human Right's Policy on Gender Identity, and what kind of service we expected. We brought materials, left hand-outs, recommended readings and took questions. We were not apologetic, we were clear, and clear that we deserved excellent service. Both fertility clinics (Toronto's Centre For Assisted Reproductive Technologies and Burlington's New Life Fertility) we ended up going to were very supportive and treated us well - as they should.
Our next stop had been the midwives'. Our initial contact with them, by phone, was worrisome - the receptionist insisted that they would have to refer to me by my full female first name. She must have been overheard by the head midwife though, because by the time I had gathered training materials and was on my way out the door to educate them by brute force, we got a call from them apologizing and committing to do better. We still had the "who we are, what the law is and, what we expect" conversation with them, but it was friendly and they became people we trusted and big advocates for us.To be fair, our midwives are fairly skilled at advocating for all their patients, including establishing a secret code that the person in labour can use to get them to clear all visitors out of the room.
With the midwives support and encouragement we drafted a birth plan that talked about our desires for at home, for at the hospital and finally for in the event of a c-section.
We started our birth plan with a section on language. We made a single page copy of just this part in large print both for our hospital file, and for the door of our room in the birthing centre.
( The first page of our birth plan is under this cut.Collapse )
One of our midwives found an article by Ellise D. Adams MSN, CNM In the American Journal of Maternal/Child Nursing If Transmen Can Have Babies How Will Perinatal Nursng Adapt?* She made copies of this, distributed it to all the staff in the birthing centre and the maternal/child unit and had them read it. The article focus on Thomas Beatie's experiences in giving birth. The big boon to the piece is that it says yes, transmen exist, yes they can get pregnant and have babies, and yes, you should still use male pronouns for them when they do. On the down side, because it only used Thomas Beatie's experiences there were some odd things about the article. Odd thing one was a lengthy section about controlling the media - it made it sound like it was inevitable that the media would flood the hospital and turn things into an absolute circus - it recommended that, the hospital hire security for outside the room. Odd thing two was it assumed that all transmen would be partnered with ciswomen, who would then be breast feeding. If the staff at the hospital were waiting for the media to descent, I'm sad to say they would have been disappointed. Unlike Thomas, we had note written about my pregnancy in The Advocate, nor had we gone on Oprah to talk about it, nor had we publicly been crowing about being
the first pregnant man, no, t he first legally male pregnant man, no, the first legally male pregnant husband, no, the first legally male pregnant husband to give birth with an m on his i.d. bracelet. Also, shocker, yes we are queer and trans at the same time. Oh Thomas, is there no escaping you?
When I signed consent forms, I always altered them to say that I was not consenting to students coming in to observe. This reduced the number of people we came in contact with, which made me feel safer. I made sure to let practicioners know that I had done this, and they were consistently respectful of this choice.
Our midwives had also put in a medical request that if we had to stay longer than the birth we have a private room. This meant we were not sharing a room with a new mum or two, and did not have to deal with other patients, or their families. It felt good to have space that was free of scrutiny. It also meant that my husband could stay with me and the little person - and I am clear he also did a great deal of advocacy on my behalf.
The staff at Joseph Brant Memorial Hospital were great. Having our midwives, who have privileges at the hospital with us during labor and delivery advocate for us made a huge difference. It meant that hospital staff had trans issues explained to them by a colleague, not by us. Staff always knocked before entering the room, introduced themselves, used the right pronouns and were respectful. There were a couple of places were the forms/paper work was not up to our reality. My hospital bracelet just did not mention sex (which was fine by me), although my bracelet tying me to the baby said "mother" on it. My husband's just said "partner", so it felt like they were half way there. On the identity card for Stanley's bassinet it said "mother" and "father" and as the staff gave it to my husband, they apologized and encouraged him to "alter it as appropriate". We did.
We only had two tranny-fail moments in the five days we were there:
One was the public health nurse, who came in to the room to see Stanley and I, and after looking at me, in the hospital bed, and him twice asked "Where's the mum?". The other was a lab tech who came in while I was in the bathroom and asked my husband where is wife was. Both were confused when corrected, and we sent them away to read our file. In some ways the public health nurse was a relief - it was nice to be read as Stanley's dad, in a number of ways being read as his mum would have been more upsetting.
I'm grateful to our midwives and to the hospital for their attention and care. I'm grateful to have had such a positive experience. I'm telling it here, in part because I think it is important that we tell the success stories. That we talk about how with the support of friends and allies we can set our selves up for success and receive the respectful care we deserve. It means that at this point, we can thank our care providers and get on with the tasks of being new parents, which is as it should be.
* I can not find a full free copy of this on-line - sorry. This is a link to the abstract and the full text can be downloaded for a fee.
|Saturday, November 21st, 2009|
( Read more...Collapse )
I will never forget the feeling I had as the stick lit one line then two. How we ran screeming through the house yeling "We're Pregnant!" At the top of our lung's. How we sat and stared blankly at the pee stick for close to three hours. Shock, amazement and happiness rapped up like a breakfast burritto...saying good morning Thomas and Scott your pregnant!
After the orginal shock we invested in three more digital pregnancy tests just to be sure. Every single one changed almost immediatly to pregnant. Over the next few days and then weeks we did the usual... stress out! We worried about everything from the usual I'd say gay male responce which was "Oh my god we have so much shopping to do!" to "What will the neighbors think? We didn't know really how public we wanted to go with everything exspecially after everything Thomas Beatie had been going through with his pregnancy.
We decided keeping things quiet now would be best. After all we were living in small town America and although we were well know in Weed as the "Gays!" We wern't really sure how people would react about our joyess news. We told the important people, our closest friends who were over joyed for us. But even they cautioned us not to buy anything "because what if something goes wrong?" Many people told us there was a higher risk for Scott to miscarry because he was transgendered. Which stressed out Scott and I beyond words. We did everything that we could do to keep Scott healthy and sane.
Finally we went to see the doctor, he didn't bat and eye lash when we told him Scott was pregnant. Which amazed me since we went to a doctor about 45 minutes away in an even smaller town called Dorris. He ordered a pregnancy test and the gals in the office high jacked Scott's urine and scurried off to the lab a few rooms down. Within seconds I heard one of them yell "Holy Shit!" then joyess laughter. The doctor came back in with the nurse and she told us "I have never see a test turn so fast in my life!"
We wern't certain of when Scott had become pregnant and we needed a detirmination. So the doctor sent us to Yreka california for an emergency ultra sound. The ride was long and stressfull, and Scott sat and chugged water. When we arrived at the hospital we had the positive pregnancy test in hand but they required Scott to test again. They treated us like we had psych issues, Scott and I both. But after the test results came back so did the staff with a different addittude. It was as I was concerned, we were now freaks! The attending ordered the original ultra sound we had come in there for.
Sadly I was not allowed to join Scott. I sat were his bed was before they wheeled him out and starred at the clock on the wall 35 minutes later they wheeled him back in. Scott had pictures, "were five weeks baby!" I never heard Scott more happy. Scott had concieved while on our fathers day weekend campout....surprize! Of course the images were of the gestational sack but now we knew how far along we were.
The doctor came back in, but instead of telling us useful information to keep Scott and the baby healthy until our appointment with our general practitioner. He choose to give us listings and information on local abortion services. Scott was devistated that anyone would reckomend he get an abortion after him telling the doctor more than once that we were trying to get pregnant.
Some how we got through that and over the next few weeks we meet with our general practioner and started the tests and documentation that goes along with pregnancy. Our doctor treated us with kindness and respect. Whichin a month we were headed to New Mexico. Our family needed a break from Weed, and we thought being near Scotts family for his pregnancy would be best.
However apon arrival we fell into a huge problem...health care. I can not even tell you how many doctors we called. By the end of day three of trying to find even a general practioner. I was absolutly in shock. Here we had moved from snall town america with a population of 3000 where we were able to find accepting health care. Now we were in Las Cruces, New Mexico and this place feels so huge to us. All these doctors, and choices of doctors and yet no one would treat my husband and our growing child. Many times I would tell them that I was making an appointment. They would be getting all Scott's information and we would get to where they would ask the reason to be seen. Of course i'd have to tell them that he was pregnant. This is when it would all fall apart. This is when I'd hear things like, "Oh I am sorry were not take new patients!" or they would put me on hold until I hung up, or the line would simply go dead. It was awful! Poor Scott was becoming a wreck. In the beginning Scott and I had discussed a wid wife and home birth and Scott was absolutly against it. Now we had no choice we needed prenatual care and there was not one doctor in Las Cruces that would see him. I then began calling mid wifes and again I was told over and over that they were not taking new patients. My favorite was "I'll have someone call you back!" Which can I just say that call never came in.
Then I called the Art of Birth and Wellness Center, and we met who we called our angel. Kammy was delighted to hear from us, her addittude never changed not once. Even when I explanned that Scott was transgendered. Not only was she well reckomended, she was trans friendly, willing to treat Scott but she could see us the same day, oh and she even took our insurance. Within an hour we were sitting in her office, sipping water and chatting it up like we'd known each for years. Kammy was amazing, her office was comfortable and her staff was the definition of kindness and respect. When we left, there was a sigh of releaf from Scott. My hubby was finally able to relax, which had ment I had done well for my husband and our growing child.
Over the next few weeks Scott began focusing on names and the gender of our child. Him and his mom were rooting for a girl, I just wanted everyone to be healthy at the end of all this. I had growing fears about Scott, his saftey and the saftey of our child. How would all this turn out, and oh good I had so much to do. I read a multitude of online forums and parenting books. I was now the guy becoming a wreck. I hunted down my bath gel I had been using when Scott concieved. I herd this would help him feel relaxed and safe, This went un noticed. I also read women prefer their partners to be clean shaven. In the time Scott and I had been together. I think I had completly shaved once, well it was worth a shot. I'll never forget the absolutly horrifed look on his face when he wandered in for his every fifteen minutes pee break. "Oh my god, what have you done?" Was all Scott could say. Okay so I fallowed bad advice I admit it. It's been a month since then and I have my facial hair back, and I wont make that mistake again.
Our next ultrasound was amazing you could actually see our child, and how much it had grown. I was amazed at the images of our child wiggling around. It reminded me of Scott and the way he turns around in bed. I admit it I cried like a baby. All while standing next to my mother in law. Scott was changing to, he was worried about being fat, or to girly or if someone at the store would notice him. Might I add that there is no right answer. That no matter what I would say I was going to be mean, wrong or horriable. Even now I am nervous when Scott asks me questions like, "does this make me look fat?", or " am I still sexy to you?" But if I were to say "of course baby!" He would then become upset that I prefered him barefoot, pregnant and in his eyes girly. Conversation with a pregnant man is simply dangerous ground.
After that we focused on getting prepared for our little slice of gay family heaven. We did what all gay men do we went shop happy! Within a few weeks we had managed to deck this baby out in just about everything one could imagine. All while maintaining a Whinnie the Pooh theme. I feel for our friends and family that are coming to our baby shower.
Then it was time for another ultra sound. This was finally the one that was just for Scott and I. We were twenty weeks and egar to find out the sex of our child. Scott was hoping girl still but I was feeling boy all the way. Although I admit it, I really didn't care as long as our baby had ten fingers and ten toes. The wait in the waiting was awful, everyone else there were women. Ultra sounds for pregnancy was what this room heald. So here we were sitting there two men, clearly a gay couple being stared down by like thirty women. But finally it was our turn, we had our ultrasound tech Joyce from last time. She was again amazing, kind and understanding, a perfect choice by our angel Kammy. But befor she could ask us if we wanted to know the sex of our baby the first image to come up was our baby, legs wide open. "Oh, oh it's a boy! My eyes watered and the tears flowed it was offical Scott and I wear having another son.
I was nervous that Scott would be upset that it wasn't a girl. But he was exstatic, and over all relieved to have the mistery of our baby's sex finally solved. Of course to celebrate we got to go baby clothes shopping. We had been trying to keep everything unasex which even today is so very difficult. Since getting pregnant Scott marks different marks along his pregnancy with pies. So we made pumkin pie where Scott decorated it with "It's A Boy!"
Since then it's lot's of walks, good nutrition, emotional times, and now lots of baby kicking. Since we were having a boy we needed a name, and it only took us a few days. After talking to family and friends Scott came up with the name Miles. He felt like we had already travel thousands of miles since we found out he was pregnant. But by this point we had decided without a doubt we were going home.
The health care was becoming an issue again. The state would not let Kammy deliver our son with a general practioner says Scott was not high risk. Even the doctor that Kammy set up set us up to see him months from now. Late January or um some time in Febuary. Well the last thing we can do is wait until late January or later for a doctor say if Kammy can deliver our son our not. Besides that we've all been suffering homesickness and Scott and I were sticking it out for the kids. That was until Logan was like "when can we go home?" Just out of the blue. I talked to Gregg and he was so happy to hear we were leaving it wasn't even funny. Lastly was Scotts mom. We were afraide she would freak out, but instead she understood and told us she was planning to move to Weed anyway. Rock on it was offical we were going home.
Now we are twenty three weeks pregnant, getting ready to move again and Scott and I have been struggling over the issues we have dealt with as far as the health care system. The discrimination and the addittudes we've experienced. Something has to change, if not for us for the next transgendered man that is pregnant. It's not like Scott is the first male bodied person to get pregnant of carry a child. Besides that it's redickulous that any doctor would turn away a pregnant person because they are male. So the big question is what can we do to change all of this?
|Friday, November 20th, 2009|
Wanna talk to me?
I'm wondering if anyone out there would be willing to volunteer to have a chat with me about his experiences being a pregnant transguy.
I'm doing my dissertation on transmasculine parenting and I'm looking for three or four guys to talk to in the next month or so. At this point, I'm talking to guys about conception, pregnancy and birth, though in the future, I'm hoping to talk to guys who have become parents through adoption, surrogacy, our partners giving birth, sperm/egg donation, stepparenting, etc. I want to explore all the ways in which we become parents and what that means for us. I'm interested in talking to guys of a wide range of identities and histories, pre/post/non-transition.
If you live within a reasonable drive of Western Mass, I could come to you and we could chat in person - I'm planning to drive all over MA, NH, VT, ME, CT, NY, Montreal, Toronto, or Ottawa-ish within the next few months to a year.
If you live further away, and you would be willing to chat on the phone, we could do that. I expect interviews to take an hour or more, and they will be confidential, though I hope to ask your permission to tape the interview, no one will hear it but me.
This is a very informal call for participants, since I'm just trying to get a sense of what people really want to talk about, the true data collection stage will really get under way soon.
If you're interested, leave a comment here on my LJ or e-mail rexlezard at gmail dot com
A little about me:
I'm a PhD student in sociology, as well as a student in a graduate certificate in feminist studies. I have identified as FtM for over ten years. I'm not a parent yet, but I've been pursuing pregnancy as a single guy for three years - no luck yet, though I'm currently working with my third fertility clinic, my second known donor, and I remain hopeful. I intend to adopt through the Canadian foster-adopt system in the future, whether I give birth to a child or not.
I am doing this research because I am committed to trying to create social change through academic work. I have also been involved with trans activism around a variety of issues, including around parenting and developing information and resources for trans men considering parenthood. I am committed to working with our communities and I am not doing research simply to further my own career. I want my work to matter to the people it is about.
Anything else you'd like to know, just ask.
My Pregnant Husband
This is a story about my husband Scott. Were are two gay men, who are legally married. Looking at Scott he is very much a handsome and outgoing young man. Together we proudly parent our two adoptive son’s Logan 10, and Greggory 12.
After having his breasts removed in 2005, when he was only fifteen years old. And now being able to grow a beard and male body hair through hormone replacement therapy of testosterone for five years. Scott is now five and a half months pregnant.
Although he may not be the first, Scott is very much a pregnant man. Scott, now 20 still has his female reproductive organs. Because of this and after several of his childhood years struggling with his sexual identity and fighting to live as a man, he did what many might think is impossible including our family doctor. He became pregnant with his first biological child early June of this year.
As a teen Scott says he never thought he would ever have children. But after parenting our adopted children, our desire to have another child brought us to a cross roads they knew would forever change their lives. But Scott and I thought that it just made perfect sence for him to carry our child, this being an experience now gay couple can truely say they had.
We both are thrilled to be able to enjoy this experience together as a gay male couple. However we continue to struggle with finding accepting health care. Even when we went to the emergency room they made me take another pregnancy test, says Scott. People often look at us like we are crazy when we tell them Scott’s pregnant. Instead of offering us helpful advice about pregnancy like they would a women. They gave us information on local abortion services! The battle continues for our family to the point we sought out mid wife services. It just got to the point where we were afraid we would not be able to find any natal care at all. So as a last ditch effort started calling midwives. Luckily we came Across the Art of Birth and Wellness Center, and our now current midwife Kammy. Every time we would call a doctor they would be setting us up an appointment and would ask the reason for the appointment. Of course we told them I was pregnant, and suddenly they would no longer be taking new patients.
That fact is Scott is not the first pregnant man and he certainly won’t be the last. As our society grows and changes, gender norms are going to be challenged. This is one of those situations where if people don’t come out and talk about this experience. That transgendered men are having children and that they and these babies need quality health care. It leaves a open door for discrimination and violence against them.
We are now counting down to our new addition, which is due March 10, 2010