Wow it seem's like only yesterday Scott and I had just meet, but really it's been only a few years now. I feel so lucky and so blessed to have him as a part of my life. Raising our boys together has really been the icing on the cake for me. Life was really good for us, we not only have each other but we have already our two boys Gregg 11 at the time and Logan 9. Not to mention our two dogs Pinkerton and Lady. Life was good, how was I to know life could get so much better?
So this last year we started trying to get pregnant. I guess I need to explaine that a little more right? See Scott is transgendered, he transitioned at an early again and when we started really considering having more children Scott and I were grateful that Scott still had his reproductive orgins. So he would be able to have one of our own. We wern't sure if we even could. But the desire for another child gave us the strength and the willingness to actually try.
It was never easy first with Scott going off of hormones. Which was difficult in itself. I don't think I ever realized just how much hormones control our personalities and our emotions. I have to admit I was feeling like it was pretty hopeless by this summer. Then Scott was like " I really want to take a pregnancy test!" I laughed immediatly preparing something to say to ease the pain Scott would feel when he was in fact not pregnant. I remember Scott pacing on one side of the bathroom as I hoovered over the pee stick on the bathroom counter waiting for the bad news.
I will never forget the feeling I had as the stick lit one line then two. How we ran screeming through the house yeling "We're Pregnant!" At the top of our lung's. How we sat and stared blankly at the pee stick for close to three hours. Shock, amazement and happiness rapped up like a breakfast burritto...saying good morning Thomas and Scott your pregnant!
After the orginal shock we invested in three more digital pregnancy tests just to be sure. Every single one changed almost immediatly to pregnant. Over the next few days and then weeks we did the usual... stress out! We worried about everything from the usual I'd say gay male responce which was "Oh my god we have so much shopping to do!" to "What will the neighbors think? We didn't know really how public we wanted to go with everything exspecially after everything Thomas Beatie had been going through with his pregnancy.
We decided keeping things quiet now would be best. After all we were living in small town America and although we were well know in Weed as the "Gays!" We wern't really sure how people would react about our joyess news. We told the important people, our closest friends who were over joyed for us. But even they cautioned us not to buy anything "because what if something goes wrong?" Many people told us there was a higher risk for Scott to miscarry because he was transgendered. Which stressed out Scott and I beyond words. We did everything that we could do to keep Scott healthy and sane.
Finally we went to see the doctor, he didn't bat and eye lash when we told him Scott was pregnant. Which amazed me since we went to a doctor about 45 minutes away in an even smaller town called Dorris. He ordered a pregnancy test and the gals in the office high jacked Scott's urine and scurried off to the lab a few rooms down. Within seconds I heard one of them yell "Holy Shit!" then joyess laughter. The doctor came back in with the nurse and she told us "I have never see a test turn so fast in my life!"
We wern't certain of when Scott had become pregnant and we needed a detirmination. So the doctor sent us to Yreka california for an emergency ultra sound. The ride was long and stressfull, and Scott sat and chugged water. When we arrived at the hospital we had the positive pregnancy test in hand but they required Scott to test again. They treated us like we had psych issues, Scott and I both. But after the test results came back so did the staff with a different addittude. It was as I was concerned, we were now freaks! The attending ordered the original ultra sound we had come in there for.
Sadly I was not allowed to join Scott. I sat were his bed was before they wheeled him out and starred at the clock on the wall 35 minutes later they wheeled him back in. Scott had pictures, "were five weeks baby!" I never heard Scott more happy. Scott had concieved while on our fathers day weekend campout....surprize! Of course the images were of the gestational sack but now we knew how far along we were.
The doctor came back in, but instead of telling us useful information to keep Scott and the baby healthy until our appointment with our general practitioner. He choose to give us listings and information on local abortion services. Scott was devistated that anyone would reckomend he get an abortion after him telling the doctor more than once that we were trying to get pregnant.
Some how we got through that and over the next few weeks we meet with our general practioner and started the tests and documentation that goes along with pregnancy. Our doctor treated us with kindness and respect. Whichin a month we were headed to New Mexico. Our family needed a break from Weed, and we thought being near Scotts family for his pregnancy would be best.
However apon arrival we fell into a huge problem...health care. I can not even tell you how many doctors we called. By the end of day three of trying to find even a general practioner. I was absolutly in shock. Here we had moved from snall town america with a population of 3000 where we were able to find accepting health care. Now we were in Las Cruces, New Mexico and this place feels so huge to us. All these doctors, and choices of doctors and yet no one would treat my husband and our growing child. Many times I would tell them that I was making an appointment. They would be getting all Scott's information and we would get to where they would ask the reason to be seen. Of course i'd have to tell them that he was pregnant. This is when it would all fall apart. This is when I'd hear things like, "Oh I am sorry were not take new patients!" or they would put me on hold until I hung up, or the line would simply go dead. It was awful! Poor Scott was becoming a wreck. In the beginning Scott and I had discussed a wid wife and home birth and Scott was absolutly against it. Now we had no choice we needed prenatual care and there was not one doctor in Las Cruces that would see him. I then began calling mid wifes and again I was told over and over that they were not taking new patients. My favorite was "I'll have someone call you back!" Which can I just say that call never came in.
Then I called the Art of Birth and Wellness Center, and we met who we called our angel. Kammy was delighted to hear from us, her addittude never changed not once. Even when I explanned that Scott was transgendered. Not only was she well reckomended, she was trans friendly, willing to treat Scott but she could see us the same day, oh and she even took our insurance. Within an hour we were sitting in her office, sipping water and chatting it up like we'd known each for years. Kammy was amazing, her office was comfortable and her staff was the definition of kindness and respect. When we left, there was a sigh of releaf from Scott. My hubby was finally able to relax, which had ment I had done well for my husband and our growing child.
Over the next few weeks Scott began focusing on names and the gender of our child. Him and his mom were rooting for a girl, I just wanted everyone to be healthy at the end of all this. I had growing fears about Scott, his saftey and the saftey of our child. How would all this turn out, and oh good I had so much to do. I read a multitude of online forums and parenting books. I was now the guy becoming a wreck. I hunted down my bath gel I had been using when Scott concieved. I herd this would help him feel relaxed and safe, This went un noticed. I also read women prefer their partners to be clean shaven. In the time Scott and I had been together. I think I had completly shaved once, well it was worth a shot. I'll never forget the absolutly horrifed look on his face when he wandered in for his every fifteen minutes pee break. "Oh my god, what have you done?" Was all Scott could say. Okay so I fallowed bad advice I admit it. It's been a month since then and I have my facial hair back, and I wont make that mistake again.
Our next ultrasound was amazing you could actually see our child, and how much it had grown. I was amazed at the images of our child wiggling around. It reminded me of Scott and the way he turns around in bed. I admit it I cried like a baby. All while standing next to my mother in law. Scott was changing to, he was worried about being fat, or to girly or if someone at the store would notice him. Might I add that there is no right answer. That no matter what I would say I was going to be mean, wrong or horriable. Even now I am nervous when Scott asks me questions like, "does this make me look fat?", or " am I still sexy to you?" But if I were to say "of course baby!" He would then become upset that I prefered him barefoot, pregnant and in his eyes girly. Conversation with a pregnant man is simply dangerous ground.
After that we focused on getting prepared for our little slice of gay family heaven. We did what all gay men do we went shop happy! Within a few weeks we had managed to deck this baby out in just about everything one could imagine. All while maintaining a Whinnie the Pooh theme. I feel for our friends and family that are coming to our baby shower.
Then it was time for another ultra sound. This was finally the one that was just for Scott and I. We were twenty weeks and egar to find out the sex of our child. Scott was hoping girl still but I was feeling boy all the way. Although I admit it, I really didn't care as long as our baby had ten fingers and ten toes. The wait in the waiting was awful, everyone else there were women. Ultra sounds for pregnancy was what this room heald. So here we were sitting there two men, clearly a gay couple being stared down by like thirty women. But finally it was our turn, we had our ultrasound tech Joyce from last time. She was again amazing, kind and understanding, a perfect choice by our angel Kammy. But befor she could ask us if we wanted to know the sex of our baby the first image to come up was our baby, legs wide open. "Oh, oh it's a boy! My eyes watered and the tears flowed it was offical Scott and I wear having another son.
I was nervous that Scott would be upset that it wasn't a girl. But he was exstatic, and over all relieved to have the mistery of our baby's sex finally solved. Of course to celebrate we got to go baby clothes shopping. We had been trying to keep everything unasex which even today is so very difficult. Since getting pregnant Scott marks different marks along his pregnancy with pies. So we made pumkin pie where Scott decorated it with "It's A Boy!"
Since then it's lot's of walks, good nutrition, emotional times, and now lots of baby kicking. Since we were having a boy we needed a name, and it only took us a few days. After talking to family and friends Scott came up with the name Miles. He felt like we had already travel thousands of miles since we found out he was pregnant. But by this point we had decided without a doubt we were going home.
The health care was becoming an issue again. The state would not let Kammy deliver our son with a general practioner says Scott was not high risk. Even the doctor that Kammy set up set us up to see him months from now. Late January or um some time in Febuary. Well the last thing we can do is wait until late January or later for a doctor say if Kammy can deliver our son our not. Besides that we've all been suffering homesickness and Scott and I were sticking it out for the kids. That was until Logan was like "when can we go home?" Just out of the blue. I talked to Gregg and he was so happy to hear we were leaving it wasn't even funny. Lastly was Scotts mom. We were afraide she would freak out, but instead she understood and told us she was planning to move to Weed anyway. Rock on it was offical we were going home.
Now we are twenty three weeks pregnant, getting ready to move again and Scott and I have been struggling over the issues we have dealt with as far as the health care system. The discrimination and the addittudes we've experienced. Something has to change, if not for us for the next transgendered man that is pregnant. It's not like Scott is the first male bodied person to get pregnant of carry a child. Besides that it's redickulous that any doctor would turn away a pregnant person because they are male. So the big question is what can we do to change all of this?